This week, I have a much better attitude about life.

I'm still worried about getting paid from our client, but my partner and I have talked through all the possible concerns and I think we both feel pretty good about it. He doesn't like the idea that HE has to be the one to talk it out with the client, but unfortunately, he's been the one in THOSE shoes for months anyway and he hasn't really realized it until recently. Kinda hard for me to discuss nuances of billings face-to-face with a client who's 1600 miles away.

Yesterday, I planned on working on the house: starting to filter through some of my belongings, cleaning bathrooms and doing some laundry, but unfortunately I didn't do any of it.

I may have a better attitude, but I'm still very sad and depressed about it all.

I love my partner, he's my best friend and the one person I literally spend hours and hours talking to about EVERYTHING. My family, HIS family, our futures, life in general - it just never gets old. Some folks have accused him of being gay - while I know that's not true, he's definitely like a girl friend to me (not girlfriend) - we bounce things off each other constantly - we're both VERY passionate about our discussions. If there were one of those goofy photobooths in my house, I'm sure we'd be taking silly photos all of the time. We enjoy similar movies and music, we're passionate about our industry and being creative and we both compliment each other with our strengths and weaknesses. We know each other very well. Which is why I'm sad about leaving.

I love my wife (vows to come) and I'm so very much looking forward to being with her full time - we have so much fun together, we lay in bed and cuddle, we stare into each others' eyes for hours, we do all kinds of things together: we cook, we run errands, we visit with friends, we fish, we hang out at the lake, all as a couple. We hold hands, we walk arm-in-arm, we do what couples do. I love that and have never really had that before.

She's a lot like me. We grew up in similar households. Our parents had the same professions. And their family is so close they will walk in on you in the bathroom and OUR family is so close we'll do the same. We have so many similarities it's freaky, really. Her and I talk to each other about 20 times a day, we canNOT get enough of each other. We were, just an hour ago, talking about outdoor activities we could do together (since my experience with outdoor activities is pretty limited with the exception of fishing) and while I don't have much experience, I'm MORE than willing to try anything - tennis, basketball, bicycling, etc. I WON'T however, play any sort of football (too many bad memories about that one) and I'd really preFER not to play baseball or softball - seems my face is a magnet to fast moving balls and I've never figured out how to change the polls.

Seems I've gone and married me a "sporty" lesbian - something I'm going to have to get used to, but am REALLY looking forward to.

So, while my attitude has changed, my sadness has not.

I love my family.

The last time I posted on LJ was March 28, 2008. Wow, life for me has changed so drastically since then.

Here it is in a nutshell:

Break-up
Move out
New company
New girlfriend
Move to Cali
Ill to the point of near death
In process of moving back to Dallas


Some good things that have come out of all of it?

New company
New girlfriend (well, 7 months now)
Niece moved with me
Partner's daughter has become like my own
Great partner

I think it's about time for me to bow out, you folks might want to consider the same.

LJ has been purchased by a Russian company.

I delved a little further into some of the links on this post and found LJ Book which translates your entire LJ blog into a PDF book. I've already processed mine and suggest you do the same.

I may go ahead and delete my entire blog.

I haven't enjoyed a Grammys show like last night in a very, very long time.

The "Rhapsody in Blues" performance was AMAZING! Herbie Hancock has TOTALLY still got it going on.

So was Amy Winehouse, bless her heart she's already a big mess. Just after winning a slew of Grammys is usually when folks get the serious pressure and go down hill. But, she's already on that slippery slope. I hope she gets her act together, I see her taking one of two paths in the future - either slipping further into drugs and becoming another Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix type OR cleaning up and becoming a force in the music industry for years to come. While the latter is what we all want, I fear for her future.

The Foo Fighters - Dave Grohl is just adorably cute and if you haven't seen any of their videos check them out on itunes (they have a lot there) - one of the best true hard rockin' ROCK bands performing these days, in my opinion. And their videos are fun and usually funny.

Kanye West's "Stronger" is one of my favorite rap songs at the moment. I've been following his career for quite some time and I can honestly say he's one of the best rappers around these days. He doesn't sing about popping caps in cops, doing drugs or being in gangs. His songs are very family oriented, he sings about the struggles of being a performer and having the support of his family, he sings about his grandmother, his mother and one of his songs is about getting in a car wreck and having his jaws wired shut - when he recorded this song his jaw actually WAS wired shut. His content is timely, relevant and much more on point for everyone to grasp then just the gangsters who sing about genocide, drugs and being in jail. He also incorporates orchestration instead of sampling, which I think is VERY fresh and new. If you've ever wanted to get into rap music but were turned off by all the crap, I highly suggest you listen to some of Kanye's work - you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Seeing Morris Day and The Time perform was a blast from the past - I STILL love me some Morris Day, he's a very energetic performer and incorporating Rhianna's "Umbrella" was a way to keep him relevant.

And FSM bless her, Tina Turner has still GOT IT TOO! Great performance by her and Beyonce, although I REALLY wish they'd have sung "River Deep, Mountain High", instead. It's my favorite TT song of all time.

I could've totally done without that stupid "Tick" song by Brad whats-his-name. Stupid song and stupid performance. I like country music but some of it just seems as shallow as some of the rap crap - just creating it for the money.

Alicia Keys can pretty much do no wrong in my book and this time was no exception, although I think her outfit was all wrong for her. Those tight, latex pants just did nothing for her. But, her voice was strong and clear, as usual.

I know folks like Josh Groban, but his Disneyesque singing style is never something I've been able to get into. Don't get me wrong, I love Disney pictures AND I love Broadway musicals, but Josh I can do without.

And lastly, John Fogerty, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard and Aretha Franklin ALL need to retire and never get on the stage again. ESPECIALLY Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard and Aretha Franklin, bless their hearts - their times have come and gone. They need to be in their rocking chairs enjoy their autumn years. Wouldn't you agree?

Isn't that how it always is? Life gets too busy and gets in the way of other things?

Well, I actually could've blogged before now, but I guess, for the same reasons I've blogged about in the past, chosen to sort of push it to the back burner.

So, let's see, things that are going on....

1) Knitting up some great things that I can't actually post here about just yet.

2) Just finished a big proposal for one of my clients. The property has just been purchased, so once again, I've had to start from the beginning. Provide property, advertising and budget history. Run all over town to get rates for medias they can NOT afford just to SHOW them they cannot afford them. Do a bunch of extra work just for the possibility of maintaining their miniscule budget. But, oh well, that's the way it always goes. At least they've given me a chance and not just thrown me out as the baby with the bathwater. The proposal shines like no other I've given them over the years, so hopefully that will do the trick.

3) The dreaded film is on the horizon. Too many things to do and NEVER, EVER enough time to do them.

4) I've become co-moderator of the infamous Grey Gardens Yahoo group. At the moment, I don't know whether it's a blessing or a curse, but we shall see. I'm taking it VERY slow and easy. I don't want to upset the boat too much to start. If you're a GG fan and haven't visited the GG yahoo group, come say hello, most of us don't bite, I promise.

5) My wife and I have had the opportunity to spend a lot of quality time together lately. I think we've both needed it. I'm very appreciative of this time together.

6) In January (on the 10th) we celebrated our 14th year together. We still can't believe it's been that long. We decided this year that NEXT year we want to do something special for ourselves. Not sure what yet, whether we'll go on a trip or just have a big party.... we have a whole year to plan, so we'll see.

7) I've started using http://www.ravelry.com to keep track of all of my knitted projects and find patterns and such. It's a great place to compile everything and is so user friendly to research and review.

8) My brother is in trouble again. I don't have time to go into all of the particulars, but it's safe to say he's been permanently scratched (with a nail and hammer) off my Christmas list.

9) I've pre-ordered this albatross of a book and am now VERY much regretting it. http://edithbouvierbealeofgreygardens.com/ Apparently, Eva Beale decided to put a pre-order out there with a specified pub date and has now reneged on the deal. Turns out, she was trying to sell a certain quantity up front in order to get her publishing funds. Well, she's yet do so but is hanging on to everyone's money without so much as a 'kiss my arse'. She promised it would be in our hands before the holidays, then when she saw THAT wasn't going to happen she said we'd all get official certificates stating our exclusivity in this rare acquisition along with a color print of the front of the book. Well, we received a certificate, if you want to call it that, printed from a laser jet on crappy paper and stuffed in a mismatched envelope with a return address in Paris, France. But, the postmark is from North Bay, California. I just roared.

So, now no one is sure when we'll get our books, but it looks like it will be a very long time.





10) My Barcoo and I are going to see the Phil Collins exhibit at the DMA on Thursday night. It's not the Phil Collins you're thinking of and the exhibit is an interactive one involving karaoke with Smiths songs. Looking forward to this especially since I had to bail on him last Thursday.

11) Had the pleasure of spending time with two of my good RP friends two Sundays ago. Winter came in from Phoenix and Sophie came up from Waxahachie. We did a true Texas activity - we went to the Fort Worth Stock Show! Loads of fun (and corn dogs) was had by all.



12) We also recently had the opportunity to introduce my Grey Gardens obsession to our friends miss_j_loo and kitlively. I'm not sure how miss_j_loo liked it, but Kit had a few more questions. To some it's engrossing to others it's fingernails on a chalkboard. I hope we can get together again for another movie night soon!

Ok, so I promised myself I'd write a journal entry on thankfulness. I've never done so before, so this is rather out of my comfort zone. Not that I'm NOT thankful, I just don't normally write it down.

Ok, first off - I'm INCREDIBLY thankful to still have a parent with me. My mom and I have had our differences over the years, but she is someone I love very much and I'm glad that she's still around. Being as she has those "over 100" genes that run in our family, I suspect she'll be around for at least another 20 or 30 or possibly even 40 years. This is something I don't think she really wants to hear because she thinks she's older than dirt now. But she has a lot of spunk left in her - so, mark my words, she'll be here well into my senior years. I'm also very much thankful for her partner and spouse - as much as I love(d) my Daddy, he didn't treat my mom near to the princess level that L does. Thanks so much L, I love you and I'm so thankful for you being in my mom's life AND in all of ours.

My sister is another I'm incredibly thankful for. You all may not know this, but debilitating disease or not, she is smart, funny and wickedly anal about keeping her house clean (She can thank mom for that OCD disorder). She's GORGEOUS and has a knack for learning how to fix things around her house. As a matter of fact, I suspect she could go out tomorrow and get a maintenance job at any apartment building or casino. If she DID, she'd be the hottest maintenance person in Vegas!

Until this year, I wouldn't have had my brother on this list. Well, I would've, but I wouldn't have really been thankful, because he really hadn't done anything to make me thankful for him except stayed alive (but then again I wouldn't have, because I've never made this list before). THIS year however, he's taken giant leaps to living a normal and fairly successful life. He has a lot of relationship repairing yet to do, but I think he's well on his way. You have to understand that growing up, he and I were the closest. We did most everything together, I translated when Mom couldn't understand him, I beat up kids who picked on him and in return, when he got bigger than me, he did the same. We've alway been very close so for me to be able to be thankful for his assimilation back into the real world is only natural. Welcome back, Brother - glad to have you back in our world and our lives.

My son has made HUGE strides this year too. While he still can't figure out that the best way to live without roommate problems is to live without a roommate, he's still made great steps towards being a responsible, successful person. He even bought furniture this year - YEAH! He also celebrated his one year anniversary with his employer, another HUGE step for him. I just couldn't be prouder. Well, yeah I guess I could - I'd like to see him get a newer car, take care of himself medically and maybe find a girlfriend, but a mother can hope, can't she?

I'm also thankful for my employers. While we've had our differences over the years, they know the only reason this happens is because I'm passionate about my work and I care. I'm a "take ownership" kind of gal and they know this. I've made more money for them this year than any other year I've been with them and although I rarely hear it, I know they appreciate it. I have the flexibility and freedom to do what needs to be done and to make things right when things go wrong (I've been in employ of folks who've chastised me for this before, so I'm incredibly appreciative for this). So, thanks guys - you and Cat make life worth going to work.

There are countless friends and other family members who I'm so appreciative and grateful to have in my life, my friend Jen in FL, Jerry & Ted in NY, Kent, Everett, Sean, Elvia, The Zeus gang - ESPECIALLY Barry whom I love so dearly, my nieces who I've reconnected with, my nephew J, my Jack Kennedy and Dixie, my 16 year old cat, Daisy, my sweet Penny, all of my RP and GG friends, my GRANDPARENTS who I'm also reconnecting with, Tony, Ruben, Dawn and Bronda and especially Shawna, but most of all there's my wife. Thank you so much for being a part of my life.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to say I'm thankful for my better half's family. They are great folks. Kind, understanding, funny and even though it took some of them a bit to come around to the "same sex" thing, they're all just wonderful. You never really know what you're getting into, family-wise, when you start a relationship but, I can honestly say I totally hit the jackpot. We're going on 14 years of being a family and I've never taken the time to say I'm thankful for them, so here it is. You all are great.

I'd also like to give props to my new friend and colleague, Lori - dude, you so rock. I love it when you're surprised by new friends/colleagues who's skills and ethics synthesize well with yours. When what comes out of their mouth could have easily come out of yours. When they treat you with the same level of respect, passion and understanding as you do them. All I can say is "awesomeness".

Well, I think that's about it. I know there's so much more, but I could sit here for hours and write a damned book if I didn't have to leave to go home.

Oh one last thing, if you haven't given up on all this mushiness and are still reading well then I'm thankful for YOU too.

Rock on. Oh and Happy Thanksgiving.

In a photo comparison, I'd say they've done a fabulous job so far of getting "the look" of Little Edie. My hopes are high that Drew can pull off the mannerisms and accent. We'll see.

From my friend, Lee.

I haven't posted lately.

For a few reasons, really.

First, the last several months have been my busiest time of the year. If you don't already know, each year one of my clients asks us to put together a training film for the holiday season. It's an exciting, fast-paced, information packed conduit for a lot of really, really boring sales data. Worse, the MDs around the country require ONLY certain segments of this 19 part agonizingly painful film to be in their presentation. Which requires a lot of fancy DVD authoring on mine and my editor's part.

This process starts in April and crescendos into a frantic panic of epoch proportions, for all involved, by early August. Which then tumbles into an entire month of no sleep, devastatingly long hours and a group of really bitchy, cranky co-workers. We are now in a two month detox period and I feel I'm just now beginning to break away from it's stranglehold. Soon it will be time to start the process all over again.

Second, is because I'm not a big fan of some of the folks who now read this blog. My family used to rely on this journal to find out what maniacal plans I was up to in order to take over the world. But, with the tricky googling techniques of a few certain someones, well - let's just say I'm not as apt to spill my beans all over the internet at this moment. So, most of what you'll continue to see in the future is more knitting. Yeah for you!

Third, as shown in the last two entries, I'm just very sad. My puppy is gone and I'm not happy. My poor 16 year old cat is NOT thrilled either. The last few mornings I've awoke to a screeching from her I'd only heard once before and that was when she got her neck fur caught in a fence and had to be rushed to the vet for a good stitching. Jack needs a playmate and fast. Not for HIS benefit as much, although that is the by-product solution, but primarily for Daisy's tired ol' butt. Bless her heart, she just wants to finish out her days eating belly-fulls and lying in the sun. Is that so wrong?

Maybe that's what we all want.

Jack and Penny have been separated many times... Penny goes to the beauty parlor, she takes drive trips with me and often goes on walks without him. Yesterday he KNEW something was different. S said he was inconsolable. He sat in the backyard and howled for hours. Yesterday, when I arrived home early, they were on the floor sleeping on Jack's new bed they'd purchased yesterday at Petsmart.

I emptied groceries and pulled my dinner together, ate and then we played "the claw" for a while. The wife said he'd cheered up a lot since I'd arrived home. I then decided to settle in to watch a little Funny Girl for the evening (I LOVE the TCM channel, btw). He hopped up on the couch and curled up RIGHT next to me and went to sleep. Something he's NEVER done. Ever.

In an IM chat this morning a friend mentioned that they can smell the deceased. I'd like to believe this is true.

Last night he slept in her bed.

It's a very sad day for us today.

Seeing my little girl in so much pain and just this morning realizing she had turned a corner, made me understand she was ready to go. She was gaunt, sad and wreaked of urine, her dignity and self confidence shattered. And considering she was an emotional basket case from the get-go, I just couldn't bear to see her look at me with those "please just DO IT" eyes any longer. I wanted to be selfish and just keep her with me for a few more weeks, but knew she would just continue on her downward spiral of pain, misery and mental decay. So, today we had to make the hard decision to put her to sleep.

I know we did the right thing, but I still feel horrid guilt because she was my child, my reason for getting up every morning and my sunshine. I mean just look at the utter adoration on her face - she was looking at me when I took this photo and looked at me like this nearly everyday....except towards the end. She'd lost her spark and confidence we'd worked so hard to build together. I'm heart broken. Goodbye my little Penny. I love you - be safe and pain free in your next adventure.



EDIT: FYI, the doctors said she had some sort of inoperable cancer related to her bladder or urinary tract.

I came home last night to a gift sitting on our dining room table. I asked the wife where she got it and she said "it's for you". I was weary from a late night (really week) at the office and was a little grumpy. I put down my arm of stuff and opened the card to find that The Marble Faun had sent me this lovely gift basket! I couldn't believe how kind he was to send me a nice basket of goodies!

I've been accused of being his "#1 fan" - seems the adoration goes both ways.


Thanks Jerry, you really didn't have to - but, I'm glad you did.

Hope you enjoyed the dishcloths!

It's been a long time comin' - mainly because life sorta got in the way. Plus, I really got worn out by the size 1 1/2 needles. They're cool and all, but that size creates a lot more work. I'm swinging back to the 3s with the next set.

They're DONE!!



If you click on the image you can see other closer photos of this set.

That said, here's the next pair I started just today. I'm mad about this hand painted yarn!

When our dog, Penny, rolls over on her back to show her belly and twists and rubs her back on the carpet, we call that "the happy dance". It just looks like she's having a great time and she's so happy and relaxed that she CAN show her belly to the world.

You obviously can't see me doing the happy dance at the moment, but I'm doing it now and I've done it several times in the last week.

The reason?

I don't have mono.

Ya hear? I DON'T have mono.

It was some complicated mixture of 3 illnesses at the same time....honestly, I don't want to go into it because I'm tired of talking about being sick. But, rest assured, I feel pretty damned good and I don't want to be sick again. Damnit.

While laid up, I managed to pump out a few more dishcloths for friends and me.

Here's another I did for myself. I used this great Box Stitch pattern.




The blue one is a fleck stitch pattern and the blue and white is another box stitch.





Closer to the accurate coloring for this colorway.

Ok so, I'm pretty sure I have mono.

Seriously.

NO, I'm not 18.

NO, I haven't been kissing anyone except my wife.

NO, my wife doesn't have mono.

Don't ask me where I got it. I have no friggin' idea. Apparently, you can contract it from being around an "infected" who's sneezing or coughing. Worse? It incubates for 4-6 weeks. Yeah, no shit. (Oh and if anyone wants to fess up, I'd sure appreciate it.)

Even worser (I know.. not a word) - Mono takes another 4 - 8 weeks to heal.

Yeah.

So basically, every day when I leave the office, I'll be heading home to get rest. On the weekends, I'll be resting too (am doing so this weekend). No drinking, no activity, just rest and lots of fluids. Sucks.

The only good part? Well, once you have it, you gain an imunity to it - so never again. Yay.

Well, the other good part is I have time to knit. I've knitted two items I can't post here at the moment (because the recipient hasn't recieved them yet and that person reads this blog). I HAVE knitted something I CAN post here - an item for my very own kitchen. It's a dishcloth using a beautiful, rich yellow 100% cotton. I used this Stockinette Triangles pattern, one I've never used before.



A close-up:


So, yeah - the pink eye is a by-product of the mono. It took advantage of my low defenses and attacked me when I was down. My eyes are no longer "red", but they're still dry, they're ultra sensitive to light and they hurt.

Damn.

A vision of loveliness: